iliekbutts: m-dub-o-dub: cobaltdays: 
@iliekbutts I’m dead
This just in: my friends are trying to kill me
benzodiazetryptamphetopiophile: Adventure Time, one of my favorite shows. Awesome gif, not sure of the source. (Found on Facebook)
floralls: by
Kristina Manchenko
paralysed-by-death: I lost control and turned myself into a monster
what am i going to do? where am i going in life? i dont even fucking know any answers anymore. im lost. im hurt. im scared. im 20 years old standing here, watching everyone grow up, get married, have babies. im 20 years old thinking time is flying by way too fast. does nobody else notice this? why am i cursed with the horrible disease of depression? i am so sad everyday, i wakeup sad, i go to bed sad, few things make me happy anymore. my relationship with my boyfriend is falling apart. i have no job. im not a student. my life is a fucking disaster. im poor, im depressed, im hurt.
one night i was with all of my friends and my dogs, and i just stopped, and watching everyone having fun riding the four wheelers and though to myself “this is going to be one of my best memories” and i think all the time about those kind of things. i feel like alot of time everyone is just having fun, but im the one who realizes time is flying by WAY too fucking fast. i feel like such an old soul. i cried so hard on my 20th birthday, i cried the whole month of may, dreading getting older. why can’t i be a normal kid, why can’t i just enjoy life instead of thinking of all the bad in life? im not just scared, im terrified, of life. what am i going to do? i treat my boyfriend like complete shit because im so miserable about everything. he just wants me to be happy, and he tries his best, i know he does. why cant i appreciate it? why cant i fucking just be happy? i wish someone had the answer to these questions and i wish i had someone to talk to about it. i dont have any friends to talk to. its just all turning into rage because i keep it all inside.
i feel like im falling apart. i need to wakeup from this nightmare i call my life.
My whole heart is so full of sadness, anger, and stress. God, I wish I could just go move back in with my parents but at the same time I don’t want to be hearing yelling and screaming between my mom and dad. I love them so much but lately I’ve realized I was never shown love and affection like a child should. All the trouble I was always getting in, the time I ran away… I just needed a hug maybe a kiss and someone there to say “its okay, and i love you” I just wanted someone to say they loved me. Instead I came home with my sheets and pillows off the bed and no clothes except the ones my mom picked out for me to wear. They really help me out alot recently and I am thankful. But I have so many regrets about not going to school and all this shit. Maybe if they told me that they were proud of me for straightening my life out, or even noticed me every once in awhile instead of being very obvious that my bro was their favorite child. As I’m thinking, I realized no matter what my child does I will always have open arms and show them how much I love them every single day. I’m never going to let drugs or alcohol get the best of me like my father did and miss out on my children’s life. I’m never ever going to let work take over and never get to spend time with my children. Yes, my mother never missed a soccer game or anything like that but we never just sat and had mother & daughter time. I want to go home… but where is it?
So the other day my patient died with me as the only one in the home, god it sucked going in there and she wasnt even breathing. It was so scary. I didnt know what to do… my training wasnt about this??? I kept thinking ‘she died alone…’ her family wasnt there, i wasnt there, nobody was. I was in the other room filling out papers about her. I feel so bad. I couldnt take it. My heart was filled with sadness every second of my day and everyday at work after that worried that it was going to happen again. Although it wasnt my fault and she was terminally ill and was 98 years old, my hear ached for her.
Then to make my life even more shitty I was laying my head on my BFF Stella bella (the best dog ever) and i got up and had blood all over me. I rushed her to the vet, and they sent me to the animal hospital as soon as i walked in (BTW, at this point im freakin out) so then we walk in, they take her in the back to weigh her and come out immidiately and say “ your dog has bruises all over her body and they’re not trauma bruises, she’s bleeding from the inside” my heart… my heart just shattered into a million pieces and she kept explaining to me what was happening to her body and my mind just wouldnt listen, i just wanted to know she was ok. She’s been having alot of blood testing, and they think she has an auto-immune disease, theyre also checking today if she could have gotten some other disease from a tick. I pray to god that it is from a tick because the vet said whatever that would be, would be curiable. On the other hand, the auto-immune disease will last her whole life, she will be stuck on meds and i just feel so bad for my babygirl. She is the sweetest, prettiest, fastest dog. I love her with all my heart. If anyone tells me “shes jjust a dog” im going to beat them. But then after all the crying had passed, i started to get angry with life. Wondering, why do all these bad things happen? its not because god gave them to me to make me stronger. i dont fucking know why still. but anyways, i’m here thinking about stella, I didnt raise her to be no pussy bitch! shes a tough ass bitch and she’s gonna make it through this shit. I know she will. I need all my followers to pray or whatever you do for my pup to make it through this hard time. Maybe say a little prayer or two for me also. Lifes been just crazy tough. and sometimes i think there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but then i remember the day me and josh got back together, months were filled wiith me seeing how beautiful the world was i thought that my depression was gone forever, then everything ended up a big mess again. When does it ever end?
#camogirl #sexy
4am (via 4am-reflections)
effervescentvibes: good vibes here
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im liz, probably one of the chillest girls you'll ever meet. if i dont like something youre doing, i will be completely straight up with you and tell you how i feel. i don't believe in hating people, i hate drama. i love making new friends and making people happy. i promise you if we become friends i will always be there for you, and you can always come crying to me if you need to talk to someone. i have had some shit happen in my life, i know how it is and it sucks, but it will get better if you really try to make it. if you get all the bad people out of your life and actually try to be happy, it will happen. i didn't believe it, but now i do because i'm happy with my life. Don't get me wrong, i have some shit going on but fuck it, i have to keep my head up and ignore all the bullshit. i'm in love with my bestfriends, i don't know where i would be in life without them. i'm going to be a pediatric nurse one day, and even though it's hard as fuck already, i can't wait to help people
everyday. i can't wait to impact all my patients lives.. and they're families. i don't know myself very well yet, but everyday i'm becoming a better person. i don't want to grow up anymore, i wish i could restart life, and know what i did wrong before, but i can't so i have to live with what i have and live life to the fullest. please, if you ever have anything wrong and you need someone to talk to, message me or text me, and i will help you as much as i can.
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